Psychological boundaries is one of those buzzwords we often hear, but I’m not sure everyone knows how to apply them in real life. It is one of the first concepts and behaviors that I teach many of my clients, because they generally don’t know how to set boundaries between them and the people that they are emotionally involved with. This inability causes them to experience psychological difficulties.
I try to make boundaries simple to understand, but that doesn’t always make them easy to apply. I reduce boundaries down to two basic emotions: comfortable or uncomfortable. If you are participating in an experience and you feel uncomfortable, you probably didn’t set a boundary between you and the person who initiated the activity by telling them that you didn’t feel comfortable participating. You needed to say “NO” and set a limit. That’s the boundary. If you feel comfortable participating, then there is no need to set a boundary.
Having the confidence to draw the line comes from practicing saying “no” to people emotionally close to you and not caving in when they start to try and pressure you into doing what they want through manipulative tactics.
The key is listening to your discomfort, and unless that feeling changes, staying true to your position. Why would someone close to you want you to do something that you are uncomfortable with if they really loved you and cared about your feelings? And if you love yourself, why are you participating in an activity that makes you feel uncomfortable? The more you respect your emotions, the more those close to you will too.
If you are interested in reading more about this topic, it’s covered in my book Love Yourself: The First Step Toward Successful Relationships.
